Another year round trip to the Sun. Happy birthday to me 🎂
I don’t have any major plans on my day, except to have a quiet dinner, watch my favourite movies and catch up on my sleep.
Birthdays tend to be a weird moment for me to sit back and reflect. It’s crazy to think that within the one year, I’ve managed to do the following:
Start up a webcomic blog.
Create my first visual novel game.
Get hired by a job that I love doing during my daytime hours.
Seeing improvements on my artwork after putting it off for quite some time.
On a personal note, it was a time where I’ve been more mindful of my social media usage. As someone who has been struggling with depression, taking a step back from the online world has made me more aware of what’s going on.
I’m thankful to have my family and close friends during this time. Getting older feels a bit daunting. But I’m embracing the new year with hope and a chance to become a better person (whether personal or professionally).
Thank you to those who took the time to wish me well during my birthday. Truly means a lot to me (and Betsy) 🐮
Recently, I’ve encountered a bad comment on a drawing that was shared by a well known art supply company. I felt proud of the progress. At the same time, I also felt a bit doubtful.
Needless to say, the person that wrote the bad comment didn’t give any inclusion on how it can be improved. It just simply mentioned that it was bad. Okay…thanks, I guess? I didn’t expect that the company decided to share my image on their platform. As such, it looked like it was deleted originally from the company page and the person decides to write in again on how my artwork sucked. Talk about persistence. The only thing I can do at the moment was block and ignore.
I’m generally open to receiving feedback, so long as they are constructive and aligned with the purpose of improving. After all, no one is an expert and we’re all learning our crafts through trial and error. No one is expected to know everything overnight.
In these moments, I keep telling myself that everything is fine. That everything will pass and people will forget. Even after reporting the instances and minding my own business, you figured everything will settle in the dust, right? Not quite so…
When you have an inner critic telling you the negative comments are valid and want you to feel like shit, that’s when it becomes mental torture. No one can’t see your struggles. Only you can feel them, slowly aching away your soul as you’re wrestling with the inner demons.
It’s one thing to face the negative comments online. But I think the greater battlefield in all of this is when it occurs in your mind. You can’t escape from it.
It’s been a constant feeling for many years and unfortunately, it’s not something it can disappear permanently. On some days, I’m fine (without lying to myself). And other times, I’m feeling the pressure and weight on myself while attempting to hide the depression. Sometimes it comes from my ability to overthink situations. Other times, it comes from outside influences.
Not every battle happens on the physical level. Many of us are facing with our struggles and are doing the best we can to cope through it all. I think as an artist in trying to convey these emotional pieces into something tangible has been a good way for me to express my sensitive moments. Sharing these experiences with everyone has given me a better perspective on how many of us are dealing with our mental health. And my hope is that others can feel and perhaps relate to the struggles.
Every day, I’m finding ways in setting boundaries, silencing the inner critic and ignoring the folks from the online world who are either passive aggressive, mean or sadists. It’s not easy. For others, it may look easy. But emotionally, it isn’t the case.
I realise that once I started showcasing my work, everyone wants to be a critic. Unfortunately, that can’t be helped. Everyone will always have an opinion. It makes me wonder how famous celebrities cope with these types of large scale criticisms.
My own happiness is what I create and share in a conscious manner, while not being swayed into thinking that I should hide and live in fear. The lesson I’ve learned is that not everyone will be on board with your passion projects. Additionally, we are our own worst enemies. That nagging voice in my mind telling me that I’m no good and the trolls are actually right about me? For now, she’s on vacation. She might make an appearance again. But until then, she’s not welcomed in front of my doorstep.
Have you had moments where you’ve dealt with your inner and outer critics? What did you do to cope with these moments? Let me know in the comments below.